Valgard the Virile's Blog

Fika

valgardthevirile — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:02:57 +0000

A big part of Swedish culture is drinking a lot of coffee and taking long relaxing coffee breaks with friends. This is called Fika. The act of having a coffee break is so integral to the Swedish way of life that they actually constructed a verb to describe the act, ‘to fika’.

Valgard tries to take as many fika’s as he can a day. This is a very popular activity. Stockholm definitely has a big café culture (however I can guarantee that America has more cafes) but the act of going to a café in Sweden is completely different.

You will hardly see anyone at a café alone in Sweden.

Going to a café is a very social activity here usually done with family or friends. In the states you will see many people at cafes alone reading or working, or grabbing a ‘cup to go’. Here that is not the case. People in Sweden do not go to cafes to work or read, but rather just to socialize and take it easy.

People here take there fika here so seriously, if you find yourself in a park this summer and you look around you will see hundreds of people with big thermoses full of coffee, Swedish Strawberries and cinnamon buns. Portable fikas are a must, and you better be organized!

The Work / Home Balance the Swedish Way

valgardthevirile — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:01:51 +0000

Valgard, just like most modern day Vikings, is on a quest for balance between work, life and family.

I am very passionate about my desire to train as many Vikings as possible and grow my empire, but I also want time to spend with my own little Viking, Stella the Superstar. Swedish culture has really created a fantastic way of balancing ones life. Despite the stress of modern day life, Swedes make sure they take it easy remember they do not live to work, but rather work to live.

If you have small children you are entitled to reduce your full time job to 75%, in order to spend more time with your kids. This is probably one of the most kid friendly countries in the world. Also, July is approaching, and this is when the entire country except for the service industry takes the entire month off to go to their country homes in the Archipelago, or lie out at the many beaches inside of Stockholm city.

Who knew freezing cold Stockholm turns into a beach, but it is true!

Maternity and Paternity Leave

valgardthevirile — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 09:05:23 +0000

Almost every parent, or parents of the future, are awed by the fact the Sweden offers 480 days paid family leave.

Not only is it paid, but the pay is 80% of your salary. Not bad, huh? It is a mystery to me why other countries have not increased their own family leave time. Not only is it the most important time in a child’s life to be with their parents, but it also puts a value on parenthood. Because any parent knows it is the most important job in the world. This is one reason that contributes to the fact that Sweden is so advanced in terms of equality of the sexes. Not only are you paid to be a parent, but they offer the possibility of paternity leave, and that has become a very standard thing in Swedish society. 70% of Swedish pappa’s take time off to be with their little ones.

Real Vikings Walk in the Rain

valgardthevirile — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 09:03:32 +0000

When visiting Sweden in the summer you must remember to bring your rain jacket.

Yes, June has been a fine example of traditional Swedish Summer. There have been really nice days mixed in this month of rain and chilly weather, but do not let this scare you off. If you are not prepared to brave the rain you might be stuck seeing Stockholm through the windows of a shuttle bus… In a word: BORING.

I had a fine group of trainee Vikings from America and Australia yesterday and they were not afraid of a little wetness. We walked the streets of Gamla Stan as mighty Vikings and had a great time.

Good Food in Gamla Stan

valgardthevirile — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 09:05:12 +0000

Valgard loves to eat and there are many great choices in Stortorget, which is the large square of Gamla Stan where the Viking tour starts.

Stockholm Stadsmission has great food for lunch and an amazing bakery. If you are in town briefly and you want to eat some sort of traditional Swedish lunch this is the place to do it. They always have a meat, fish and veggie dish, that comes with coffee and a terrific salad bar. The bakey there is also out of this world. Everything from the famous cinnamon buns, to cakes and delicious breads. Plus part of the profits go to feeding the homeless in Stockholm, so you can feel good about stuffing your face.

If it is a little rainy and cold, we call that “Swedish Summer” Go to Master Olof’s cozy cafe for a great bowl of soup and sandwich for the low low price of 50 Kronor.

After all that food let’s take a walk around this beautiful city and I will hook you up with the important knowledge.

Photos

valgardthevirile — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 08:56:16 +0000

I took 268 photos yesterday. I know this sounds high but it is definitely not my personal record, I mean who doesn’t want a shot with this virile beast. Now there are a few rules I lay down when it comes to putting Valgard’s gorgeous mug in one of your photos.

No touching. I know it might feel hard not too, but if Valgard feels like touching he will touch.
No grunting. Although Valgard is quite knowledgeable and can speak lots of languages, he does not speak grunt. If you would like your picture taken and you cannot say “photo”, please use enthusiastic body language to mime the act of taking a picture, and show me that you want me to join.
Lay off the horns. They don’t just hand out horns to anybody people. You have to earn those bad boys by coming on tour and getting trained.
No sneak attacks. No walking up from behind and smiling over my shoulder and pretending I have authorized a photo with you.
Don’t interrupt the tours. If you see Valgard speaking to a group of people, that is something I like to call a “tour”, and that is not to be interrupted by random tourists wanting a picture.
Say Thank You. Smiling for 268 photos a day takes work so a Thank you is greatly appreciated, and so is some mead money:)

If you can live by those rules I am more than happy to take a photo with you and I might take one of you for my blog.

Stockholm Syndrome

valgardthevirile — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 08:55:23 +0000

After watching the Daily Show’s brilliant piece on Stockholm and how American’s really need to save us Swedes from our evil Social Welfare System. Amazing sarcasm and beautiful work from Wyatt Cenak. I must say modern day Vikings in Sweden do pay there fair share of taxes, but we are not funding a lot of overpriced wars. Our taxes actually equate to some really nice benefits. I mean what American parent would not mind to abolish the old “college fund”. I have seen many tears in the eyes of American parents on tour when I break the news to them that University is free in Sweden. These Socialists have a lot of crazy ‘dangerous’ ideas like socialized healthcare for example. Can you believe all medical bills in Sweden until the age of eighteen are FREE? These Swedes are nuts. Amazingly enough I have had many Americans ask me how they can get their hands on a work permit, or a one of these beautiful Swedish people. Take a walk with me and I will hook you up.

valgardthevirile — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 12:07:42 +0000

Hangin' at the Palace

Swedes and Weather

valgardthevirile — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:41:16 +0000

Yesterday I trained a Viking from Minnesota named Ludwig. The guy has Swedish roots written all over him. I mean Ludwig(you can’t get much more Swedish) from Minnesota? Why did Swedes migrate to Minnesota of all places? You would think after all those years of freezing cold, long winters California might be a nice place to start over, or even Florida. I have come to understand that no matter how much Swedes complain about the winters they secretly love it. They are gluttons for punishment. The weather in Stockholm now is fantastic and it has never been a better time for a walking tour of Gamla Stan, plus you get to work off some of those meatballs. So lets pillage people!

Swedish Royal Guards

valgardthevirile — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 11:37:32 +0000

The other day I had a really fun tour with a Swedish man and his American girlfriend. I found out that this man was a former Army Sergeant with the Swedish military. Being a Viking I have no fear of these Swedish military officers. When was the last time they were in a battle? These Royal guards at the Palace don’t scare me either. I think they need to loosen up a bit. A little bit of unpredictability might make them a little freakier. Try marching to the wrong beat for once. However, I did find out that there is a little prison in a basement somewhere underneath the palace. This is where they can hold pillagers and plunderers. So be careful fellow barbarians, or the Swedish Royal Guards might go berserk on you.